To what end.

We are all moving towards something; an end state, a ‘final’ destination, consciously or unconsciously. Within each of our thoughts, each of our decisions, and each of our actions lies a fragment of the lie in which we are headed towards. We are in constant motion, but how often do we remain still and consider: to what end?

Why do we desire this end state, this ‘final’ destination? What’s the true underlying motivation of this desire? I’ve been pondering this in my own life recently. I’ve been moving towards things that, upon closer inspection, are only because of deep-rooted beliefs about myself. My traumatic childhood left me with an all-encompassing feeling that I wasn’t enough, that I was fundamentally flawed; a feeling that I thought was the norm. So, naturally I believed that if I become the best at something, if I apply myself to the pursuit of excellence then maybe I would be enough; maybe I would be worthy of love. I believed that gaining 25kg of muscle and sitting at 8% bodyfat would make me feel like I was worthy of attention; that I was in fact valuable. I could go on with examples, but I’d be wasting your time because you can guess what motivates those behaviours too.

When was the last time that you stopped to consider why you do the things that you do? Your job, your relationship, your hobbies, put them all under the microscope and see what you discover…

 

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