groundhog day.

I find respite in substance, well, some of the time. In the past, I’ve struggled with substance abuse. In times past, I could not sit with my feelings; in times past, I would reach for a crutch. Times past is never too far though, for tonight I reached for the bottle. Whiskey and coke, it hits the spot. The warm feeling in my stomach, the suppression of what I have lost. Almost 3 years ago I discovered meditation, and it quickly became the thing which supports. A perfect person is what I am not, and so I falter. What can I say? I seem to find respite in what which facilitates the disassociation of self, the transportation of self. When I write, o’ when I write, I am taken away to somewhere beyond the physical. O’ when I write, my heart spills across the page, o’ when I write how different do I feel, I’m provided with an avenue by which to express how I feel. And I express, I express and I express, on and on, until, until I’ve got nothing left. When the thoughts fall from my brain and land on the page, oh how empty my mind feels; when the thoughts imprint them on page how much better do I feel. I let my fingers to guide me on a journey of self-expression, I let them guide me to a better place. That is until I think of you. And when I think you of, I drink, and so the cycle repeats. From thought to pain, from cup to lips, from thought to page, from page to thought; I’ll forever carry this weight, it seems. I hope someone breaks the cycle, for I am a trapped man; a tortured artist.

3 thoughts on “groundhog day.

  1. Interesting that you appear all zen and peaceful and kind , yet this morning at the announcement of the current liberal government doubling the price of humanitarian degrees on the greens website, you get on there and troll comments saying what have the humanities ever done for the population? Hypocrisy at its highest IMO, either that or someone has stolen your profile and linked to your blog? Either way not a good look 🌺

    Like

    1. What does being mindful have to do with not being able to have a political opinion?

      I’m sorry that you feel the need to attack people who disagree with you.

      Like

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