Non-monogamy is bullshit. People have mistaken sex for relationship, and oh how wrong they are. They purport that one person cannot not satisfy all their needs, but, is one person supposed to? Isn’t that what friends are for? Energy redirected away from your romantic relationship is depth that cannot be obtained, intimacy that cannot be shared. Having sex with strangers is vacuous, leaving you feeling hollow and empty. Intimacy is an amplifier, in that it amplifies all things that you do, and this is why first dates feel awkward, and why casual sex feels so lonely: because the emotional thread is weak; no intimacy is shared.
Eye gazing, deep emotions and firm holds are foundational to an intimacy as vast and deep as the galaxy is expansive. You do not share these casually for they take time to develop. Trials and tribulations, pain and pleasure, shared goals and life ambitions build foundations on which your love is to be built. The more we experience together, the deeper our love grows; the more intense our intimacy, and the stronger the emotional thread. Intimacy, vulnerability, and closeness: these things are what healthy romantic relationships are comprised of. You cannot develop this intense closeness while also spending your time trying to develop romantic relationships with others, by sharing your sexual energy with others. It cheapens the primary relationship. I want to feel special, not just as another one, not just as a number. If the relationship isn’t monogamous, how is it special or different from the others? Primary partner? Please, that is bullshit. We open our relationships up to satisfy something that isn’t being satisfied. Relationships are supposed to be about sacrifice. Believe me, as a Man, I want to have sex with as many beautiful girls as the next guy, but at what cost?
I’ve learned lately that intimacy trumps sex. I would prefer intimacy over sex all day everyday. The feeling of someone having your back, that feeling trumps carnal pleasure. I want to feel your soul, not just your… I want to bond, I want our hearts to become alloy. I want a bond so strong that nothing could break it, no baby, no other girl, no other guy; I want something so solid, so stable and reliable that I could call upon you any time, of any day, and know you’ll be there for me. I thought I wanted non-monogamy, but really I was filled with fear; really, I was afraid of the opportunity for pain that exclusivity presents. I want a white picket fence, and home full of love, Labradors with eyes full of life, and a loving wife who be there until the end of my life. I want to care and provide, and I want to be held when I cry. This requires commitment, and commitment is to sacrifice potentiality for actuality; it is a soul agreement, between soul mates, that you will both be there ’til the end of days, irrespective of carnal desire. I want to know that you’ll be there as I age, and as we continue to fill the pages of our life; until the book is shut, and our bodies have had enough. Non-monogamy is bullshit: I want only one.