Onwards and upwards: connecting different.

As we make changes in our lives, in our habits, thoughts, beliefs and behaviours we change externally too. Over time, we begin to reap the fruits of our labour, materially, physically, emotionally and in particular, relationally. The relationships in our life serve a purpose, be it emotionally, financially, or physically, and so, as our needs change, so do our relationships. For example, if we require emotional support, we will likely form friendships where we are bonding over a common emotional wound, such as low self-esteem, abandonment, and/or a lack of boundaries. Once we begin to heal this wound we no longer require something or someone external to help regulate our emotions, as we have learned to self-regulate: perhaps through meditation, yoga, or a new perspective of oneself. And this changes the nature of your relationships where the bonding over this common wound was the mutual connector.

We bond with others because of commonality: place, profession, hobbies, interests, music, creed and beliefs, diet, exercise and way of life, just to name a few. However, we run into trouble when our connections are build on single axes. When our relationship is one-dimensionally bonded, when that dimension becomes weak, say, when addressing a core emotional wound throughout the healing process, the relationship becomes threatened, too.

As we grow, as we change, our environment changes too, and new needs are born. Perhaps the need to relate with those on a similar path, perhaps those who want it like you do, too. As the tree of our life reaches towards the sky, leaves will die and branches will fall away; this is the natural order of life. Do not become upset and do not resist, for energy once directed at the deadened leaves and fallen branches will now be redirected onward and upwards. Do not mourn, for what you once had was beautiful, and what you once had served a mutual purpose.

This is not to say that people are expendable, or that we should always be seeking to replace and upgrade – no. I argue that outgrowing connections is the natural order of things, that is if one is directed towards the sky. Connections, relationships, die like all things that live, and to grow taller we must let go of the leaves and branches that fall away; we must let go of what we had to get what we need.


I know this may seem dismal, dark and depressing. And, well, it is. We do not will this to be – it is not as if we chose this, as if we willed this to be. Instead, it is something that is happening to us, and we are merely witnessing. You cannot force a connection, you cannot force a relationship; our needs are always changing, and so, our emotions, too – that which connects us to others.

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