Invisible damage.

Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who has suffered, although I know this to be false it feels as if it were so. Everyone with their pre-packaged interiorly designed lives with sparkly loving childhoods, it feels so… lonely. Maybe it’s because those who suffer like I have do not often overcome circumstance, and now I run with the healed, or at least those who wear less scars, those who were nurtured and supported. But me, well I… a roof over my head and food in the cupboards was enough for me, apparently. Well, apparently not, because I am wounded – deeply wounded. All that is material can be provided, food, shelter, physical safety and adequate educational opportunity, and yet a void can still exist. That deep void, that black hole, the one where emotions are supposed to go, left empty – hollow.

A tender gaze, a maternal touch, these things were not provided and as a result my emotions did and do suffer much. All that is intangible, invisible and impossible to grasp – these are the things that hold true power in the development of young, after all that is material was provided, well, food, water and shelter. See, all that is material for what else do you require? The physical and the material construct the physical and material external conditions for survival; nutrition, hygiene, sickness, disease and safety. One can be forgiven, perhaps, for believing that paternal duties end here. No, oh no, this is where they merely begin.

All that is intangible, immaterial, vague and cannot be bought or sold is manifest from the internal configuration of those whose hands to which caregiving has been blessed. Weak, unstable, disassociated and malignant inner-workings are projected symbolically, practically, and literally to who care should be provided. A misalignment in self, in parent, is a misalignment of self in child.

As above, so below; as inside, as outside – what occurs inside you also occurs inside those who depend on you. Things are deeper than surface materialism, and invisible damages pervades our culture, of all cultures.

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