Bjorn Jailiaro and the New South Nazi Party – A Practical Guide for Aspiring Tyrants Everywhere.

The following is fiction, and any similarities to people dead or alive are purely coincidental.

My name is Bjorn Jailiaro, and this is my will to power. I am the premier of the New South Nazi Party, a party that believes in freedom of speech, capital accumulation, and the lean and minimal interference of government in the affairs of private and free individuals, or so we say. You see, my goal is democracy in so far as I can utilise its veneer to assert my authoritarian dreams of dominance, control, and most of all, the erosion of freedom – for my own benefit, of course. The rights of my constituents matter not, they are only something to which I speak to, to placate them, but not to actually help them. Furthermore, I believe in freedom of speech in the way that I can utilise it to deride and criticise my political opponents. Speech is incredibly powerful you see, as evidenced by the censorship of speech and thought by my fellow and aspiring dictators around the globe, of past and present; it is of primary importance and of the highest priority. This writing has been constructed as a guide for aspiring dictators, tyrants, chairmen, and presidents for life around the globe; the primary focus being phase one; that of censorship and the suppression of political opposition – my favourite part.

Phase One – Censorship, and the Secret Police.

You see, the only thing mightier than the sword, is the pen for you cannot slice, stab, or shoot an idea, no. An idea is omnipresent and possess the faculty of strangulation, perspective, and inspiration. Such inspiration is a threat, so much so that any cost is appropriate to silence opposition. Take Hitler for example, the Nazi party shut down anti-Nazi newspapers, controlled radio and the news, burned books, and controlled what soldiers wrote in letters for home, for example; one need only reflect upon the party’s success in their aspirations of power to become privy to the effectiveness of such tactics.

You see, I am corrupt – unashamedly, unabashedly, and without guilt or remorse. Let me make this clear: I care not who I hurt in my pursuit of power – it’s just who I am, I am a sociopath. In recent times, an independent journalist has discovered my secret plot; she can observe my behaviours, conducted investigations, and widely reported on such activities. You can see how this presents as problematic for me. So, what is to be done? This is the best part for it satisfies my authoritarian urges, and gives me the dictatorial tingles – the secret police.

The Gestapo.

The key to acquiring total power is misdirection; make the public think you are doing things for one reason while covertly acting in direct opposition said explicitly stated reasons. For example, to suppress political opponents, such as the woman aforementioned, I must utilise the police, more specifically, a unit that has explicitly stated aims of protecting the nation from the worst of the worst – Italian mobsters. This unit, the counter spaghetti unit, has powers that are quite broad, as defined in law, and can be utilised in a way a swiss army knife can be utilised in response to a sticky situation. The key to ensuring the effectiveness of this unit is the composition of such unit, as they will be given morally questionable orders you must ensure complete obedience to the throne, else you risk exposure. It only takes one do-gooder to expose your nefarious intentions. These spaghetti agents are hand picked on the basis of their past incidents of morally questionable behaviours, specifically those behaviours which were internally identified within the police, but were not acted upon or made public. Now, we get to the juicy part – the bolognese.

Dealing with the… Problem.

First, you must instruct the Gestapo, the spaghetti unit, to single out somebody close to your political opponent and arrest them. This is a calculated move designed to scare, but not to make the public so privy to your censorial and oppressive intentions – most people cave. Make the arrest violent, without apology, and this is the most crucial part, for reasons completely separate and unrelated to those which reflect reality.

In the next instalment, phase two will be detailed – targeted legislation for oppression, erosion of rights, and the legalisation of censorship, all under the guise of being in the public’s interest of course.

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